Some Body that i used to know.

A few months back, social media exploded regarding a fit mom who posted a picture of her amazing abs posed with her adorable kids.
Her title caption:
What’s your excuse?
Fit mom

whoa.

it’s been months since the initial post and occasionally i am still reading articles about or inspired by this woman.

when i first read her post and then subsequently read 1000+ articles About it –
i felt many things.
none of which were good.
about myself or her.

i have seen the bodies of my friends perform the miracle of pregnancy.
and i have seen many different battles to get back to a pre-pregnancy weight.
or a battle to accept and love their changed body.
beyond my circle of friends –
every time i buy my groceries, i see a new mom in a bikini on the cover a magazine.

these conversations
these magazine covers
these fit mom battles
effect me, too.

I often feel that the world around me is asking me every day:
What’s your excuse?

because even though i’m a mom – I’ve never given birth.

Now, no one has ever directly Said anything about what my body Should or should not look like because i have not given birth.
i have gotten a wide range of comments about my body in general.
(has any woman not?! #yesallwomen)
i’m talking about the pressure that i feel in this Fit Mom Battle of Mommy Wars.
this isn’t pressure to be healthy.
it’s pressure to LOOK a certain way.

months later, as i’m writing this, i realized a new feeling that i couldn’t articulate then.
as a mother, i also feel drawn into this bikini body mommy battle.
Fit Mom threw a punch: Having kids are Not an excuse to Not have these Abs

but for me, i took that punch right in my soft gut.
i feel a new Body Guilt that i never felt before my son.

because i don’t have a pre-pregnancy body- i really Don’t have an excuse…

and maybe i never will.

not like the legitimate reasons that i hear my mommy friends discuss and console each other with when they now go swimsuit shopping.
it’s only been 3, 6, 9, 12, 16, 24 months since their bodies sustained another life!
by all means, give yourself a break!
but for me, i don’t have that.

i only have these 33 years that i have been battling the size of my self-esteem and wrongly, my self-worth, in the size of my jeans.
and i’ve watched many friends transition from those everyday battles to adding pregnancy to the mix.
i can only imagine how complicated that feels.
because i feel the tension. every day.

In my former instagram feed a mom posted this:
photo.PNG

i’m glad she’s trying to feel empowered by what her body has done.
but at the same time –
i feel like my stretch marks aren’t allowed.
because i didn’t “earn” them through pregnancy.

i’ve earned them through fad diets
and disordered eating
and now two dual diagnoses that directly effect my health/weaight.
but if i Did have biological children, do those stretch marks now count?

i sometimes feel that my body is expected to look like a super model’s because i haven’t had biological children.
note: it didn’t look like that Before my son
and the last thing i would’ve needed to hear from someone then:
what’s your excuse?

so for then and now and later:
i don’t have an excuse.

i don’t think i need one.

please let’s stop with the mommy body righteousness and the mommy body shaming.

some of us mommies just don’t fit into those categories
and some of us just don’t want to.

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